Voldy and the Ways of Deranged Fanfic Writers
by Unwavering Mystic
Summary: Poor Voldy falls to none other than freaky fic writers and their views of the final battle. Rated for a swear word and bad writing.
1. Default Chapter

Heya people, this is just a little something I had been dying to write since I read some appalling fanfiction before.  
  
Anyway, this is just something I made up to poke fun at utterly unrealistic, and badly written Final Battle fics.  
  
Disclaimer : I own nothing. Harry Potter is owned by none other than my idol, JK Rowling.

Note : This isn't a MST...

Well, here's the first installment...if I get some feedback there'll be more. 

Voldamort Dies _((erk..))_

Harry Potter a firteen yeah old wizerd was lieing flat on his back on a large stone cold podium wif lord voldamort's snak-like face looming above him and

seaing his face borught a sudden strenght into harry and he got up and pointed his wand at voldamort's _((And supprisingly, Lord VoldEmort did nothing to prevent this?))_ hart and

voldamort then turned his wand on Dumbldorr and said "ABRA KEDABRA!" and dumbldorr feel ((so he dies that easily...uh-huh)) to the floor in a flash of gren light and

that made harry reeally reely rowly _((Oh mah God, so many ways to spell one word, eh?)) _mad and he punched voldamort in the nose and said "YOU ARE A BASTERSD!!" _((dramatic, isn't it?)) _and he kept punching him and until voldamort kicked him in the face and voldaemort said "ABRA KEDABRA" and pointed his wand at harry and harry pointed his wand at voldamort and said "ABRA KEDABRA" as well at the same time and there wands blew up and voldamort died and harries parens comed bak to lif and serious did too and dumbdorr and the aouros came and took the deaf aterrs _((Who mysteriously did nothing while Voldemort died)) _to azkabin. _((OH MY GOD!!!! IS THAT A FULL STOP!?!??!)) _Then Harry pootter lifed happily efer after.

THE END _((Thank God.))_

Planned for next - Mary Sue kills Voldy.


	2. Maryann Suze

Damn...this is late...very, very, very late. Sorry!!! XX I forgot all about this, been hooked up in dumbass school stuff, and my dumb comp has been going psychopathic. I had most of this saved before my comp went evil...but after a few days, when my comp went normal again...it was...gasp Gone! So I gotta write all over again.   
  
Oh, and thankies soooooooooooooooooo much for the reviews! They really do mean a lot to me!  
  
Anywayz...Disclaimerator : Yeah, I'm JK Rowling, I own Harry Potter and I'm wasting my time writing a fic about my own book - ain't that cool?  
  
Um...for those of you that don't understand the great language of sarcasm, the translation is this : I am not JK Rowling, I don't own Harry Potter...and I'm not wasting my time, since I really do have nothing better to do than to write a parody on pathetic fanfiction and stuff. Oh yeah, I dun own Barbie either. I dunno who owns her. My sis has a huge collection of headless Barbies...maybe it's her.  
  
Warning : This fic contains the following : Barbie, Mary Sue, SHERBET LEMONS, randomness and speeling mistakers. Read at your own risk.  
  
Hairy Potty was dooling Voldawart in the Quillitch Pitch, and loosing badly.  
  
"So, Hairy, are you ready to dye?" said Voldawart, starting the usual "Big, Long Bad Guy Speech That Is Said Before Supposedly Killing The Good Guy."  
  
Just then Dumbdoor randomly apparated randomly since he randomly found a way to randomly apparate randomly into Hogwarts randomly. (Yay! Randomness!)  
  
"Professor Dumbdoor!" yelled Hairy who was lying, near dead, on the Quillitch Pitch.  
  
"Ah, see, I told you you'd turn evil if you stole my SHERBET LEMONS, Tom," said Dumbdoor, his freaky blue eyes twinkling freakily.  
  
"What- you mean Voldewart's evil 'cause he stole your SHERBET LEMONS?" demanded Hairy, being the annoyingly nosy little adolescent that he is.  
  
Voldewart just stood there being pissed off that his Big, Long Bad Guy Speech That Is Said Before Supposedly Killing The Good Guy was interupted.  
  
"Yes, Hairy, you see...as a young boy, Tom here was veery hungary, and he decided that, instead of simply stealing a bankquet from the kitchens, he would steal two of my SHERBET LEMONS," Dumbdoor said while looking very sad.  
  
"OH MAH GAWD!" screamed Hairy, "THAT HAS TO BE, LIKE, THE MOST EVILEST CRIME, LIKE, EVER!"  
  
"Yes, it is, and I don't regret it!" screeched Voldewart who had actually shut up for quite a while.  
  
Just then there was a loud WOOSH over head, and Maryann Suze apaared on a ZoomBroom Three Million, which was, amazingly, the most fasteraest broom ever.  
  
"Hi, I'm Maryann Suze!" she said in a voice that strangly resmbled Barbie.  
  
"Hi, Maryann Suze!" chimmed Dumbdoor, Hairy, and Voldewart.  
  
"DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed a voice from over head.  
  
Out of no where, a plastic leg whacked into the side of Maryann Suze's face.  
  
Barbie then stood up, glaring down at Maryann Suze.  
  
Maryann Suze then stood up and she and Barbie started having a cat fight.  
  
"Girls, please stop this fighting - you're equally biatchy!" said Voldewart who was weirdly trying to stop the two girls from fighting.  
  
Maryann Suze then turned to Voldewart and whacked him over the head with her Best Hand Bag In The Entire World.  
  
Voldewart promtly died.  
  
"YOU BIATCH!" screeched Barbie, "YOU KILLED THE EVIL OLD GUY!"  
  
Dumbdoor turned his twinkling gaze to Barbie and said, "Shut up." Then a laser beem shot out of Dumbdoors freaky eyes and burned Barbie into dust, while Maryann Suze became even more of a celebraty then bafore, while Hairy lay forgotten.  
  
"Oh well, to Hell with the prophecy," said Dumbdoor before he randomly disapparated randomly since he randomly found a way to randomly disapparate randomly out of Hogwarts randomly. 


	3. Angel Wings

I'm really sorry about the lateness of this, and I know I don't have an excuse. --

But anyway, here's a new chapter thingie. Thank you to the people who reviewed, it means a lot to me.

Oh yeah, here's your ZoomBroom Three Million, Lady Voldything! posts it to you Bit late in the postage though, ne? Xx

Disclamorator : I don't own Harry Potter.

And yep, here's the story of how Draco turns good and kills Voldy.

1day, in a place far far away that no mugle can c, Hairy Pothed and Dracla Manfoil wer fightng.

"Hairy y do u stay wit da good pplz? Y not jown teh dark side!? u get free Darth Vader helmetz!" Dracla yelled at Hairy from acroz teh grate horl.

"No wai! y dont u jown teh light side!?! hear u get free ANGEL WNGS! betta dan any Darth Vader helmet!" Hairy telled back to Dracla.

_Angel wngs!?_ thout Dracla, _wow thats hard to resist_

"Um yea well...join here and u get free choclate frogz as wel!"

_oh my god thout_ Hairy, _I luv choclate frogs!_

"yea but uh...here u get frree SHERBET LEMONS from Dumbdoor if u join teh light side!" Hairy yelled once again across the grate horl ignorng all teh ppl starng at him.

"OK" Dracla yelld bak.

The Following Morning

Dracla walkd up 2 teh grifndor comnrom and knokd on teh portrait.

"Cuming!" yelld Hairy.

Then Hairy was outside teh comn room wif Dracla.

"Hears ur angel wngs nd hears ur SHERBET LEMONS" Hairy sed 2 Dracla givng him teh stuf.

"Yay." .sed Dracla.

"oh yeh dracla," sed Hairy, "no hard feelngs wen i beat u in the quiditch game 2day, k?"

"kk" sed Dracla.

Cut to midway Quidditch Match

hairy was hot on tral of teh snithc wif dracla close behind him nd no1 new who teh person in teh blak robes next 2 Dumbdoor was.

"What now?" mutterd black robed man to a smal rat next 2 him. luckly dumbdoor was preocupide bye teh quidditch gmae.

Teh rat hnded him a letter.

_Dear Mr. Voldemort_

_It has reached the attention of the Death Munchers that one Dracla Malfoil has betrayed the Dark Side and joined the light side._

_We Death Munchers don't despise young Malfoil, though, since he was bribed by the very tempting offer of angel wings and SHERBET LEMONS._

_Sincerly,_

_Bellatrix Lestrange._

_PS. When you come around my house next, can you tell me if I look fat in these new angel wings?_

Teh blak robed dude, now reveeld as Mouldyshorts, was reaally pisd of.

He stood up nd fired avada kedavra at Dracla.

It hitted his ZoomBroom Two Million Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nine Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nine nd Dracla wnt wizzng into the part of teh stadium wear Mouldyshorts waz.

evry1 else jumped out nd died exept dumbdoor who flew down.

"DRACLA!" yelled Mouldyshorts, "I HATE U! U WNT 2 TEH LIGHT SIDE!"

"I HATE U 2...YOU-KNOW-WHO!" yelled Dracla bak evn tho they wer three feet apart.

"DIEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Mouldyshorts nd he pushd Dracla off teh stadium.

it lookd like everyfin was lost and now Mouldyshorts had killed Dracla but...

der was a glimmer of light and Dracla was flying back up to teh stadium wif his angel wings!!!

"U DIEEEEEEE!" yelled Dracla nd he nokd Mouldyshorts off teh stadium.

"new I shoulda got some of those angel wings..." sed Mouldyshorts before he splatd on the quddithc pitch.

The End. (Thank God)


End file.
